tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-116093842024-03-13T07:07:38.777-05:00The Reader SUCKSThe Chicago Reader sucks and needs to dieSpikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-90959234893797060722007-03-03T12:57:00.000-06:002007-03-03T13:54:31.333-06:00Oh, and the Reader SucksHey friends. You may have noticed that neither I nor Mr. 'Cog have been posting lately. That's because critiquing the Reader, however purging it may be, has the drawback of requiring you to read the Reader. We just got fed up with it.The stuff they've trotted out for the last few months hasn't re-piqued my interest. I'd like to cite a couple of cover stories as examples of badly-done stories Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1137995330425571202006-01-22T23:38:00.000-06:002006-01-22T23:57:03.713-06:00FertilizerI honestly just don't get the Reader sometimes. This week's cover story is about a great topic -- EarthBoxes, these plastic tubs that help you grow plants on sites with limited water or poor soil. But however ingenious the devices may be, do they really warrant a story that's essentially a retyped press release? Martha Bayne spends the entire article explaining how great these are, how many Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1135572769304718882005-12-25T22:02:00.000-06:002005-12-26T06:46:28.376-06:00BelletwitsIt's the Reader's annual fiction issue again, and once again it's an exercise in small-pond-ism. The idea of a Chicago-centric fiction issue sounds OK at first. But the Reader manages to make it virtually unreadable. They start with a groundless assumption: that Chicago writers will inevitably produce 4-7, and only 4-7, stories per year that the rest of us will want to read. In fact, Chicago Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1134863852599588502005-12-17T17:54:00.000-06:002005-12-18T21:25:54.310-06:00I have chosen to stay and suckA flurry of scrappy contentiousness whipped up by a recent post reminded me of something that's confounded me for a while now: the irrational loyalty that low-to-medium-level Reader staffers cherish for their employer. I really feel for these people. Clearly they've internalized the ideology of their oppressors, and their careers are paying the price.Look, if you're one of the non-sinecured Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1134423854965241702005-12-12T15:32:00.000-06:002005-12-12T15:44:14.983-06:00A fun gameQ: How do you tell the difference between this story and this story?A: One is parody; the other is self-parody.(Also acceptable: The first was a timely critique when it was written five years ago; the first is entertaining and trenchant; the first has a clever illustration.)Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1134006160346578342005-12-07T19:23:00.000-06:002005-12-07T22:40:04.573-06:00Rosenbaum raves!It's no secret that Jonathan Rosenbaum is a tough critic to please. Especially when it comes to mainstream Hollywood fare. The Hours? It "reduces Virginia Woolf and her art to a set of feminist stances and a few plot points, without reference to style or form." Grosse Pointe Blank? "An unholy mess that becomes steadily more incoherent--morally, dramatically, and conceptually." But Rent... Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1132592943194742362005-11-21T10:46:00.000-06:002005-11-21T11:09:03.210-06:00A Taste of Crap -- Miner bangs on his highchairMiner's in fine form this week. He covers the Taste of Heaven Cafe controversy (Way to go, McCauley!) which, though a fun story, isn't exactly going to impact the fate of the republic. No wonder he's interested!As a local press critic, you'd figure Miner would want to write about what's wrong with the Trib. Especially since the Taste of Heaven story is a perfect example. Both the Trib and the NYTSpikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1131348887132907502005-11-07T01:00:00.000-06:002005-11-07T01:34:47.150-06:00A deee-luxe apartment in the skyWell we're movin' on upTo the East SideTo a deee-luxe apartment in the skyMovin' on upTo the East SideWe finally got a piece of the pie There are many things we may associate with this song: Insubordinate maids. Women named Weezie. Perpetually flummoxed 50-ish white men who have managed to snag improbably stylish and svelte wives despite the fact that the small, angry guy next door calls them Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1130917691977543432005-11-02T01:02:00.000-06:002005-11-02T02:13:05.656-06:00Reports of my retirement have been exaggerated (and Miner still needs to die)Fuck you, Cog. I resent the implication that I have something better to do. You know perfectly well that my madcap social whirl revolves around the quickie mart and its rack of cellophane-wrapped Hostess products. (As such, the Reader is the perfect complement to my lifestyle.) Anyway, even if I had retired, Miner's latest column would have me reeling in the fishing line and heading back to Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1129849946296200992005-10-20T18:05:00.000-05:002005-10-21T00:29:21.010-05:00This just in: The Reader still sucksYou may have noticed that we haven't been posting much of late. Has the Reader somehow lost its suckitide? Hardly. It's just that, well, WE HATE THE READER. We hate reading it; we hate carrying it around; we hate the ink that rubs off on our tender skin -- no matter how hard we wash, we'll never again be really and truly clean. Every time we site down to write a post for this little blog, in spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1127431649213726652005-09-22T18:26:00.000-05:002005-09-22T18:27:29.226-05:00Parsley, Sage, Rosenbaum and TimeI read it, scratched my head, and read it again. Suddenly, I saw a flash of lights before my eyes and felt myself hurtling into an infinite vortex, as if the very fabric of space and time had somehow come apart. ... Night followed day like the flapping of a black wing. ... I saw trees growing and changing like puffs of vapour, now brown, now green. ... I saw huge buildings rise up faint and fair,spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1127317407545732792005-09-21T10:30:00.000-05:002005-09-22T01:31:22.750-05:00Another day in the life of... Liz Armstrong - Girl Reporter!Beep. "Armstrong!" <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> At the sound of the intercom, Liz looked up from the latest issue of UR and shuddered. Beep. Beep. She reached for her Sofia Mini champagne-in-a-can and found it empty. Pity. She had a feeling she'd need alcohol after she answered this particular summons. <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--> Maybe she could Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1127154256168845792005-09-19T13:12:00.000-05:002005-09-19T14:56:05.696-05:00Michael Miner's European VacationMystery solved! ‘Scoops” Miner’s column was Katrina-free last week because, like a certain somebody in the White House, he was on vacation when the levees broke. The Reader editors could have saved me a lot of confusion had they taken a moment to explain: Michael Miner is on vacation. This week’s column is just some crap we found on his hard drive. We mean, besides all that tranny porn.So now spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1126720331520654322005-09-14T12:49:00.000-05:002005-09-14T12:52:36.553-05:00Katrina Who? Part the SecondOur story continues. In my search for Katrina-related stuff in the Reader I flipped over to “Scoops” Miner’s column. Surely he’d have something to say. Something stupid and impenetrable, probably, but SOMETHING. I mean, a month ago, he devoted a column to the question of whether or not we’re safer now than were were before 9/11. And then back in July, he offered up this little gem:If and when spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1126640724564481902005-09-13T14:42:00.000-05:002005-09-13T14:45:24.573-05:00Katrina Who? Part OneLong before The Onion was a gleam in its editors eyes, the National Lampoon did a brilliant parody of a preposterously parochial small-town paper, the Dacron Republican-Democrat. On its front page, in giant type, a headline blared: TWO DACRON WOMEN FEARED MISSING IN VOLCANIC DISASTER. Right below it, in much smaller type: Japan Destroyed. I would have thought it impossible to get much more spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1126550659586141612005-09-12T13:35:00.000-05:002005-09-13T14:08:22.370-05:00Things I learned from this week's Reader (9-12-05 edition)Surprisingly funny and/or informative this week. Puzzling...- Responding to reports that many Katrina survivors lost everything in the disaster, Bush said, "Only when you work hard and chew desperately on your own footwear can you live the American dream." -The Iraqi constitution gives the Kurds the right to establish casinos and bingo parlors in their territory, free of state regulation. -Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1126227518320513092005-09-08T19:56:00.000-05:002005-09-08T23:44:41.436-05:00Letter? I barely know her!There are only so many hours in a day. Twenty, twenty-five? Somewhere around there. And we at The Reader Sucks have had pretty full schedules lately: watching Katrina coverage, wailing in impotent rage, looking for embarrassing pictures of Tara Reid online, and putting in a full day’s actual work. Yes, our meager stipends as staffers at The Reader Sucks have not been enough to support the spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1125699593817015112005-09-02T17:18:00.000-05:002005-09-02T17:23:50.010-05:00A Moment of SIlence for Trent Lott's HouseWe at The Reader Sucks feel compelled by recent events to set aside our normal Reader-related japeries.A moment of silence, please. For Trent Lott’s house. We learned of the house’s unfortunate demise earlier today in a statement from one George W. Bush, speaking at the Mobile Regional Airport: BUSH: We've got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we're going to save lives and stabilize the situationspacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1125561890402193662005-09-01T00:44:00.000-05:002005-09-01T18:29:12.756-05:00Nattering Nabobs of NarmActually, this post isn't about Six Feet Under. I just like saying Narm!It's about negativism. As you may have noticed, we here at TRS are not above a little gratuitous hostility in the same way that the sea is not above the clouds.*** But, hard though it is to believe, there are actually times when crankiness is not helpful.Like in a theater review, sometimes. I love a good pan as much as the Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1125480471295499502005-08-31T03:00:00.000-05:002005-08-31T04:27:51.320-05:00Things I learned from this week's Reader (8-30-05)Theater edition.-Denise Druczweski's Inferno is "a delightful comedy with heart."-Corn Productions' The Bad Seed is a "laugh-out-loud spoof."-Corn Productions is apparently associated in some way with something called "Tiff and Mom."-"What carries [The Lion King] isn't the melodramatic plot and characters but the stagecraft."-Wicked "offers a revisionist account of how green-skinned teen misfit Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1125357464237260482005-08-29T18:07:00.000-05:002005-08-30T01:17:36.936-05:00Not Hitler (I just like wearing the outfit)H-E-double-hockey-sticks hath no fury like that of a right-wing doofus scorned. In the Reader mailbag this week, a long and angry and well-nigh unreadable missive by some dude connected to ProtestWarrior, the conservative web site with the exceedingly gay logo that was hacked (allegedly) by last week’s pouty Reader coverboy. (See Hack Need below.) In sentences as long as Henry James -- not as spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1124908146668281652005-08-24T13:27:00.000-05:002005-08-24T14:04:01.460-05:00Hack NeedThe cable news channels have their Natalee Holloways; the Reader has its Jeremy Hammonds. The beaches and hotel bars of Aruba still swarm with TV, ah. "journalists" on the cold case of the hot presumed-dead blonde. The Reader, meanwhile, devotes yet another forest-worth of newsprint to yet another story of some earnest young activist’s run in with The Man. "But Can He Hack Prison?" the cover of spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1124799505951927142005-08-23T07:05:00.000-05:002005-08-23T07:28:18.656-05:00Non-Gratuitious Nudity, or Not All Crack is BadLike young Spiky, I too have been dismayed by all the icky gratuitous nudity in The Reader lately. But nude photos need not offend, so long as they are tastefully done. Here, for example, is a candid photo from a recent editorial meeting at The Reader Sucks. Our interns certainly are a rambunctious bunch!spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1124687532045325632005-08-21T22:53:00.000-05:002005-08-22T00:13:11.670-05:00An exercise in Manichean polarityGood morning, students. Today we're going to talk about a difficult and complicated subject: human sexuality. I know many of you have been "experimenting," and that's fine. Just remember, while some of these... activities... are harmless, others can have terrible consequences.Like, say, nausea.OK, I can't keep that schoolteacher thing going. The point is, I am so fucking sick of seeing nudity in Spikyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13309177197580109879noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11609384.post-1124475923162261252005-08-19T13:07:00.000-05:002005-08-22T09:29:14.530-05:00Death and TaxisWell, looks like someone had a chat with someone and the someones agreed that endcabviolence.com wasn't such a good idea after all: as of today, anyway, the site has been replaced with an ad for doman name seller godaddy.com. Meanwhile, cabbie rag Chicago Dispatcher has put up a web page of its own: StopKillingChicagoCabdrivers.com. Visitors to that site will notice, alongside a long and spacecoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16561840769591671406noreply@blogger.com0