Things I learned from this week's Reader (9-12-05 edition)

Surprisingly funny and/or informative this week. Puzzling...

- Responding to reports that many Katrina survivors lost everything in the disaster, Bush said, "Only when you work hard and chew desperately on your own footwear can you live the American dream."

-The Iraqi constitution gives the Kurds the right to establish casinos and bingo parlors in their territory, free of state regulation.

- Citing pre-existing conditions, the White House's health-insurance provider terminated Dick Cheney's coverage Monday.

-The fall TV schedule includes a truly credulity-straining array of insults to the human spirit. There's ALIENS (ABC's Invasion, NBC's Surface, CBS's Threshold); RANDOM SPOOKY WEIRDNESS (WB's Supernatural, ABC's The Night Stalker, CBS's Ghost Whisperer); LAWYERS, LAWYERS, LAWYERS! (three indistinguishable chunks of adipocere) and SOMETHING FOR THE LADIES (Martha Stewart's Apprentice, Geena Davis as the Commander in Chief, and Related, in which "Four sisters have wildly different lifestyles and personalities.") Lovely.

Hey, wait a minute. I've been reading The Onion, not the Reader! Oops!