An exercise in Manichean polarity

Good morning, students. Today we're going to talk about a difficult and complicated subject: human sexuality. I know many of you have been "experimenting," and that's fine. Just remember, while some of these... activities... are harmless, others can have terrible consequences.

Like, say, nausea.

OK, I can't keep that schoolteacher thing going. The point is, I am so fucking sick of seeing nudity in the Reader all the fucking time! I'm sick of it! They've had badly framed, badly reproduced, ungroomed, underdeveloped, pasty Midwestern flesh in there virtually every other week since the fucking redesign and I'm SICK of it.

Look. I like lanky alternaboys as much as the next girl. And I'm the first to say we need more public displays of penises in this world.

But, in the immortal words bequeathed to us by Seinfeld, there's good naked and bad naked. (And good naked, and good naked, and good naked, and good not-really-naked. And bad naked.)

There's also a time and a place. Like in my bedroom with the Tula vibe and some K-Y. Not in the middle of a cafe when I'm just looking for the movie listings.

Good naked. Bad naked. That's all I'm saying. Class dismissed.