Monday, August 29, 2005

Not Hitler (I just like wearing the outfit)

H-E-double-hockey-sticks hath no fury like that of a right-wing doofus scorned. In the Reader mailbag this week, a long and angry and well-nigh unreadable missive by some dude connected to ProtestWarrior, the conservative web site with the exceedingly gay logo that was hacked (allegedly) by last week’s pouty Reader coverboy. (See Hack Need below.)

In sentences as long as Henry James -- not as long as Henry James’ sentences, but actually as long as Henry James’ rotted corpse from head to toe -- letter-writer Justin Fleming drives home ... ah ... some point or ... another about ... er ... something or ... ah, whatever.

Alas, I fell into a coma sometime during the first sentence and when I returned to consciousness all I could remember was Hitler. Something about Hitler. I think the Protest Warrior dude wanted us to know that he was Hitler. Or that he WASN'T Hitler. I'm pretty sure it had SOMETHING to do with Hitler. Oh, and that maybe people shouldn’t be picking on him and his friends so much. Protest Warrior dude's friends, not Hitler's. (Apparently they are not the same people.)

Hey, you try reading the letter. See if you can tell me what he’s going on about. I dare ya. I double hockey sticks dare ya!

Actually, instead of doing that, I’ve thought of a FUN GAME! Anyone who can successfully diagram the first sentence of Fleming’s missive will win a FUN PRIZE! Here in all its curdled glory:

“For as long as violence, crime, and perfidy in the name of “social justice” has been a sort of rite of passage for young, white, middle-class Americans who obey their professors, it has been framed as “activism” that, although unhelpful, is somehow proportionate to imagined abuses committed by chimeric rightwing cabals lurking always behind them as they speak drunkenly about President Bush being Hitler in some live/work space located in a newly gentrified corner of the city.”

Ouch! All that typing made my typy hand all hurty.

NOTE: Aforementioned “fun prize” may not be fun or a prize.

KEYWORDS: Right-wing, Left-wing, Douchebag, Hitler, Hacktivist, Henry James, Coma, Chimeric Rightwing Cabals, Liz Armstrong, Man-boobs, Penis.


Anonymous aubrey said...

i love reading your blog. so much in fact that i reviewed it for the machine.

pick up a copy when it comes out this weekend.

12:15 AM  

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