Monday, July 18, 2005

Subpoena envy

A quick quiz:

Who does "Scoops" Miner consider the biggest hero in the world of journalism today?

A) New York Times reporter Judith Miller, now sitting in jail because she believes reporters shouldn’t be forced to rat out their sources to whoever stops by with a subpoena

B) The guy who stopped by with a subpoena

Oh, I won’t keep you in suspense. It’s B, also known as special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, the guy who’s been leaning on Miller, a somewhat, er, less-than-perfect journalist who's nevertheless taking a principled stand here. (Fitzgerald had also been leaning on Time reporter Matt Cooper, until Cooper’s bosses handed over his notes.) Not good news for investigative journalists, for the simple reason that, if they can’t guarantee that they won’t reveal the names of anonymous tipsters, the tipsters WON’T FUCKING TELL THEM ANYTHING. No more Deep Throats; no more Watergates.

None of this bugs Miner, whose own reporterly skills, we may recall, are so undeveloped he doesn’t seem to know how to get Sun Times sports writers on the phone, much less possible Deep Throats. In yet another weasly and obtuse column that shows he has about as much understanding of the workings of journalism as does a bag of farts, "Scoops" Miner hoists aloft brave Fitzgerald as journalism’s true champion. Or something like that. Here’s Miner in all his curdled subjunctive glory:

"If Fitzgerald were the best friend journalism ever had, he might have decided to do exactly what he’s done," Miner postulates. "He’s angered it, shamed it, and awakened it."

Then what? Showered it, shaved it, given it breakfast and put it on the bus to work?

Huh. I wonder who does all that for Miner.

Keywords: Michael Miner, Fart, Fart, Fart, Fart, Fart.


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