A Taste of Crap -- Miner bangs on his highchair

Miner's in fine form this week. He covers the Taste of Heaven Cafe controversy (Way to go, McCauley!) which, though a fun story, isn't exactly going to impact the fate of the republic. No wonder he's interested!

As a local press critic, you'd figure Miner would want to write about what's wrong with the Trib. Especially since the Taste of Heaven story is a perfect example. Both the Trib and the NYT covered it, but it was the NYT's story, not the Trib's, that got blogged all over the place and got the story onto CNN.

That's because nobody outside of Chicago pays any attention to the Trib. If you follow the most widely read blogs, you'll regularly see links to stories from papers with smaller circulations -- the Philadelphia Inquirer, Boston Globe, Sacramento Bee, even the freaking Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Not the Trib, though. That's because, though it serves one of the largest metro areas in the country, its coverage is as plodding and parochial as some single-stoplight cowtown's News and Shopper.

Of course, the Reader isn't exactly burning up the wires from coast to coast either. Has any blog, in Chicago or elsewhere, ever linked to a Reader story? I'm honestly wondering here.

Miner also doesn't talk about the Trib's claim to have covered the Taste of Heaven story first, and whether that matters, or any other issue that falls within his ostensible purview. He's found another angle: the relative kid-friendliness of Women and Children First's Storytime policy. Clearly, a burning issue, well worth the 10 paragraphs he gives it. Circle the strollers, ladies...

A deee-luxe apartment in the sky

Well we're movin' on up
To the East Side
To a deee-luxe apartment in the sky
Movin' on up
To the East Side
We finally got a piece of the pie

There are many things we may associate with this song: Insubordinate maids. Women named Weezie. Perpetually flummoxed 50-ish white men who have managed to snag improbably stylish and svelte wives despite the fact that the small, angry guy next door calls them "honky" all the time.

But I just don't see how this song has anything to do with the Boondocks comic strip becoming a TV show.

There must be some connection, right? After all, the Reader headlined its cover story about the strip with the phrase "Movin' On Up." Unless they're referencing the (excellent) song by The M People, I assume they're trying to make some connection to The Jeffersons here. But I just don't see it. Has creator Aaron McGruder acquired a deee-luxe apartment in the sky? Did he once own a drycleaning chain? It's a puzzle.

Wait, could it have something to do with the fact that he's bl -- Naaaaaah. Even the Reader 's editors couldn't possibly be that reductionist.

Guess it will have to remain a mystery.

(Also, what the heck is up with bridge of that song? Remember, it goes:

Fish don't fry in the kitchen
Beans don't burn on the grill
Took a whole lot of tryin'
Just to get up that hill

What do fish and beans have to do with the case? Is it that you need no longer subsist on fish and beans now that you're living in a deee-luxe apartment in the sky? Or maybe the kitchen is better equipped, with a high-end grease fan, so you don't have to put up with the odors of frying and burning? GAAAH! I don't GET it!)

Reports of my retirement have been exaggerated (and Miner still needs to die)

Fuck you, Cog. I resent the implication that I have something better to do. You know perfectly well that my madcap social whirl revolves around the quickie mart and its rack of cellophane-wrapped Hostess products. (As such, the Reader is the perfect complement to my lifestyle.)

Anyway, even if I had retired, Miner's latest column would have me reeling in the fishing line and heading back to town. God! He is such a fucking asshole! I'm not even sure how to best express what a complete and utter bastard he's being about the Judith Miller case.

Miner actually believes that he need not stand up for a bedrock journalistic principle (the reporter's right to protect her sources) when the reporter whose rights are being violated (in this case, Miller) happens to be a bad reporter.

Well guess what, Miner you dick, YOU'RE a bad reporter! So I guess if you ever find yourself facing jail for protecting your sources, nobody should stand up for you. Oh, wait. You'll never find yourself in that situation because you never actually USE any sources!

True, those you do use are invariably anonymous. But I can't see a grand jury demanding to know the identity of your next-door neighbor or the guy down at the donut shop.

(Notice how neatly I swung back around to the pastry theme? That's how we roll at the quickie mart, baby!)

Previous Miner/Miller rants here at TRS: Subpoena Envy; Deep Doo-Doohead; Two-Minute Miner