Hand jobbery

So a couple weeks – months, years? – ago, "Scoops" Miner wrote a column mocking the Trib’s insistence that "Red Streak" really costs a quarter a copy, when as we all know it’s given out for free all over town. Indeed, Miner noted with smug satisfaction, people are ACTUALLY BEING PAID to HAND THE THING OUT to commuters.

Miner then made what he presumably thought was a little witticism along the lines of:

"You’ve got to hand it to them. No, really, you’ve got to HAND IT TO THEM. Like, literally. In order for them to read it, you've got to HAND THEM a Red Streak, like, with your hands. Into their hands. But also – oh, and this is the genius part -- like that colloquial expression meaning ‘give credit to.’ Come on, it’s funny! And, no, I haven’t had too much to drink. Fuck you and, you, your MOTHER too, and she's a FILTHY WHORE, and I had sex with her, in, like, her butt, which is like, really really FAT, and it smells like POOP! Hic. No, ocifer, YOU'RE the one who’s clearly intoxicated!"

Obviously I’m quoting from memory here.

Anyway, so today on one of my rambles down Michigan Avenue – I make my living, such as it is, as an itinerant match-seller – I espied a portly young fellow with a big pile of Readers he was HANDING OUT to people. Like, with his hands.

Keywords: Michael Miner, Red Streak, hand job, filthy whore, poop.